SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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