I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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