I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my liver is dry heaving
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
