I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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