I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize