You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
