you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
