What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
