Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize