We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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