Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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