I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
