Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's official drugs can't kill me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
