I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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