I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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