The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
