half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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