I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
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