I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
