i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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