Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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