i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
