'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
