Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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