I got chris browned last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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