that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
