i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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