I want to walk on stilts...naked
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
