I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
