We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
