My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
