Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
