You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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