For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
