I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize