that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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