She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
