cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
