Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
