i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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