C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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