2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
