When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
