If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
