Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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