We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's always time for handjobs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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