Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
