i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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