White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
