hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
