Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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