The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
