Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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