WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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