I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
