Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
