I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
