Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
