i jhust puked up my retainher.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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