i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
