I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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