If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
