I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize