So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
