My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
