I cannot find my penis.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
