He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize