my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
