He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize