listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
