It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
