I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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