It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
