but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
