Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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