I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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